AN ENTRY SO ABSURD PEOPLE MIGHT ACTUALLY BUY ITS JOKE. PSYCHE.
Hello everyone, welcome back. Sorry that I've been delaying this for ---> ALMOST 3 FREAKING MONTHS <--- ever since a week after I started school and all. But good news, people. I have somehow finally overcome my procrastination problem. And it only took a week of rehabilitation in Al Gazadhum. That's right. I'm no longer in the Philippines. o_o
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JEMUEL'S MEGA AWESOME REVIVAL POST! (Mega awesome because I haven't updated for more than a month :\)
It appears this whole Santa Claus (misguided name) college thing was all a hoax. Three weeks after, I found myself being called for service in Iran by my country. Amongst the people who were also called for military contribution were Jeebus Garbazo, my roommate; Saz William Degaryo, my rival in "In-Depth Female Human Body Studies"; Arthur Putani Ingnamun, some guy I met in the bathroom (he appeared to have a problem with his name); and Ah Peng, the only Chinese guy whose name I could remember in Santa Claus college. Anyway, we were asked to pack almost immediately since the call of duty for infantry training or as I'd like to call: "boot camp" in Al Gazadhum. No breaks were given and we left at 0600 sharp on a small boat. Talk about proper mode of transportation. I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye to my friends and those nerdy bastards who didn't get called.
13.10 PM - Upon arrival, we were greeted by our commanding officer, Al Wana Fuq-U, who introduced us to our training sergeants, Uliqa Madiq and Usuqa Madiq. It's still hard to believe that they're both not in fact gay.
14.30 PM - We received injections of weak vaccines to counter-attack the demeaning H1N1 virus that has grown to be infamous. Apparently, when we arrived, they ran out of needles so they performed some professional anal-trajectory on us. It wasn't decent at all.
15.10 PM - Intense warm-ups were given, including push-ups that had to be done with only our masculine tower.
16.40 PM - Target Practice. Everyone shot a total of nil except for me who shot the general by accident.
By the end of the day, we were all but wiped out. We couldn't wait to hit the sack. And just as I closed my eyes, hoping for a chance to grasp sight of my family & friends once again in my dreams, water was shoved into my face. And I woke up to Usuqa Madiq, demanding that I get out of bed that instant, in Iranian. It was 10.00 PM. Due to certain circumstances pushed back and forward, no time was to be wasted unwisely and this meant our sleeping hours were to be cut by 45% and training hours raised by 65%. It was a load of douche-shit here in the hellish pits of Al Gazadhum.
Two months later...Surprisingly enough, I managed to get a hold of Ah Peng's laptop and update on my blog, which I would never dare leave unattended to. Which also explains why I've been inactive for so damn long. You wouldn't believe what they don't have here in Iran: A sense of morality. Therefore and as such, we are also trained to be cold-blooded assholes who couldn't even give three cents about humanity and butter. What we were taught when on the battlefield, was to kill anyone in sight. Smartly enough, me and my comrades disobeyed that system, hence, how we're stil alive. Otherwise, anyone rushing in front of those maniacs would get indubitably shot like horse shit.
Now that's dealt with, I hope this update is satisfying enough for those who actually bother to type in my blog's web address and read it, since I'm that pessimistic.
I CONFESS:
That sometimes I actually want to kill my best friend for hacking into my life. But sometimes, that's also the exact same reason why he's my best friend. Because we can kill one stone with two birds.
Labels: BOOT CAMP, I was hacked by my best friend, irony at its best, one stone, two birds